Inspiration

A Candid Reflection on His Dream

If you have never read, or listened to, the full Martin Luther King Jrs iconic speech, then stop reading this and go do it. It is profound in a way that shakes me to my core.  I want to share with you the part that strikes me and stands out in my heart as a guidepost as I raise my children in this world that isn’t quite there yet…

“I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.”

We are still facing difficulties in our nation, we are still arguing about what the American dream really entails. We still have a land of bias – both implicit and overt.  We still judge others by the way they look.  We still have massive disparities between people of different: race, ethnicity, income, age, religion, etc. The facts are out there, this post is not to bog you down with statistics; I am happy to do so if you’d like.  I too dream of a day where our world is transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.  I too dream of a day where my children are not judged by the color of their skin…but by the content of their character.

Preach Dr. King, Preach. I wish that he could know the impact of his words.

Today my 4 year old asked why she didn’t have school.  “It’s a holiday”  I said.  “What holiday” she asked.  And in that moment I shed tears. I looked down at my beautiful brown-skinned daughter and it hit me all over again, that she will not be afforded the same opportunities as I was, simply because of the color of her skin.  Stop reading and educate yourself if you don’t believe that statement.  “Well babe, a long time ago, brown skinned people and white skinned people weren’t allowed to hang out. And that was really dumb wasn’t it? It makes me really sad to think about that.  Brown skinned people and white skinned people had to stay separated.  And a man named Martin Luther King Jr gave a big speech about how he thought we should all be friends.  Some people didn’t like that, so they killed him. So today we celebrate how smart he was”  She quickly added “Like Jesus?”. “Yes baby, like Jesus”.  

In that moment I shed more tears.  It hit me that while trans-racial adoption started and was legal in 1948, it was only legal for white people to adopt black kids, not the other way around.  In the time of his speech in 1963, I would not (as an unmarried white woman) been able to adopt my beautiful babies (for other injustices, which I am confident Mr. King would have been against as well).

So here I sit, after having reflected on this all day, shedding a few more tears about the fact that our world is broken.

I urge you to get to know people that are different than you. Get to know your neighbors. Bridge the gaps…love is really the only way through the mess we are in.

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A non-exaustive list of ways to be happier on the daily

1. If it can be done or tidied quickly, do it

2. Drink more water

3. Text someone “hey, how are you today?”

4. Hug someone, if no one is available: hug a tree

5. Get 8-9 hours of sleep

6. Don’t watch TV

7. Go outside for 5 minutes and just observe nature, in whatever form you can (sky, birds, blades of grass, tree branches)

8. Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner

9. Wake up 20 minutes before you “have to”

10. Exercise. Even 10 squats before climbing into bed.

11. Look at funny memes/comics

12. Read something

13. Reflect on one happy memory

14. Fantasize about travel

15. Eat a piece of candy or chocolate

16. Unsubscribe to/unfollow something that annoys you

17. Subscribe to/follow something that inspires you

18. Write down 3 things that don’t suck

19. Call a relative

20. Dance

21. Choose a few items you can donate

22. Tell yourself, seriously, that you are doing a great job

23. Open your mail

24. Meditate

25. Play a board game

26. Sing along to your jams from a simpler time

What would you add??

DBT, Inspiration, mental health

Hiking

I love to hike. At the risk of sounding like one of those health-nut hippie, save-the-earth types, I must encourage you to join me in my love of hiking! When I say hiking, I am sure most of you think of long, strenuous trips across rugged and lonely trails; and while sometimes that is true, often it’s a shorter jaunt down a simple path.

A hike, in my opinion, is any walk taken in nature with no electronic devices. A hike could be .25 miles at a local park or 4 miles at a larger campground, forest, nature preserve, etc

Here are a FEW (of many) reasons why hiking matters so much:

  • Metaphors – look at this tree.  Do you ever feel like you are barely hanging on? This tree gets it! I love finding trees near creeks that have exposed roots or like this, mid-forest, that remind me that all living beings have such hidden strength! When you feel like you’re going to fall apart, nature will visibly show you that you have deep roots and strength that you never thought imaginable!

  • Slow down – Scenes like the one below remind me to STOP.  Nature has a way of being serene and subtle…and in a world that seems to be going at break-neck speeds, a reminder to slow down is more than required for me!

  • Connect – as a parent, sometimes my kids drive me crazy! Whether you have kids or not, hiking reminds me to connect and bond with those I love.  I often hike alone, and still come out with more appreciation and love for those in my life! The quiet stillness of nature prompts a lot of internal reflection on relationships and where I want to put my energy.  When hiking with friends/family, I am reminded what I love about them.  Without all of the distractions in other life-realms, hiking lets me see their true self and appreciate why I have invited them into my life.

  • Listen – while nature is generally quiet, it really isn’t! Hearing something like the waterfall in this photo reminds me to tune into what’s really happening in my life. Listening reminds me to tune into what is really happening: in my body, in my home, at work, in my mind, etc. As a culture, we don’t always take time to hear what other’s are saying to us…we look but don’t see and we hear but don’t listen.

 

If you are familiar with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, I encourage you to find as many skills as you can within hiking.  I will tell you that for me, it’s almost all of them!

  • Within the mindfulness module: I observe, describe and participate in hiking.  I do it one-mindfully, effectively and non-judgmentally.  Hiking helps me get into my wise mind, when I am struggling with fiery impulses of emotion mind or analysis paralysis of rational mind.
  • Within the emotion regulation module: Hiking allows me to implement self-inquire needed to explore what is happening with my cycle of emotions. It reduces my future vulnerabilities.  Hiking reminds me to check the facts in situations that I am struggling with. It is a clear example of building mastery, accumulating positives (long and short term), prioritizing my physical activity/health,
  • Within the distress tolerance module: I do use hiking as intense exercise and while hiking I often do paced breathing (TIPP skill), hiking is a distracting activity that generates different emotions and some strong sensations (cold stream water, muscle fatigue) which are parts of ACCEPTS. I use a lot of the IMPROVE strategies in the woods (finding prayer and meaning, being on a mini-vacation, being one in the moment, etc).  Lastly, hiking is almost always a required component for me to work toward radical acceptance!
  • Within the interpersonal effectiveness module: hiking is a time that I can reflect on my current conflicts and plan out DEARMAN communication strategies.  It seems to put things into perspective faster than in any other setting.

 

So what are you waiting for? Get out there! Hiking is free and can open up personal change in a way you may have struggled to experience before!