Inspiration, mental health

Rise Up

A new year has me reflecting on words that spark passion in me.  Words that make me want to do better, be better, try harder…(yes…a word can do that for me!). Today I choose RISE.

When I think of the word rise, here’s what comes to mind:

  • sunrise
  • bread rising
  • Jesus rising from the dead
  • the phrase “rise up”
  • people rising up against something
  • a mountain peak rising against the horizon
  • the phrase “rise and shine”
  • my grandma saying “early to bed, early to rise, makes you healthy, wealthy and wise”

Every single one of these associations has a positive connection in my mind! I think of the freshness, the renewed energy, the promise that is associating with something rising, and that makes me think it is a perfect word for January! January is the rising of a new year, the sun has set on 2017 and nothing can be done to change it.

For me, as I have shared, my goal this year is mostly centered on building my business Your Mental Restoration in an effort of achieving my larger goal of helping others optimize their mental health.  I see my role as being a hand that reaches down into the dust of the depression pit, into the chaos of an anxious mind and reaches through the brick walls of anger in an effort of helping even one person to have better mental health.  I know that as I work on this goal, it will also propel me to naturally work on others; as we know that helping others is  surefire way to help ones’ self!

I hope that you think of a way to help yourself rise against the strife that 2017 brought for so many.  I hope that you create a vision that inspires you as a majestic mountaintop inspires many.  I hope that you find habits that help you to rise and shine each morning much as the words my grandma shared with me have guided me.

Happy 2018! It’s not over yet so we can’t call it a loss, don’t dare have actions that make it seem like you think it already is!

Inspiration, mental health

New Years Resolution. Fact or Crap?

In general, I vow not to make “New Year’s Resolutions”; I find them to be laden with high expectations and low follow through which leads to disappointment, depression and shame.  I am not; however, anti goal-setting or anti intention-setting.  In fact, my strategy has been for the last few years, to choose a word or theme that I deem to be my word or phrase of the impending year.

In order to set an intention for 2018, you must first tread into the land of goals and resolutions.  You need to ask yourself several self-inquiry questions:

  1. What am I proud of accomplishing in 2017?
  2. What do I regret doing and not doing?
  3. What do I want people to think about me? What kind of reputation do I want? If people described me in three words, what words would I want them to use?
  4. What is going well in my family life? What would I like to see improve?
  5. What is going well for me financially and what would I like to work on?
  6. How is my self-care? My health? Am I taking care of my body? What is a realistic area that I could improve on?
  7. How do I feel about my connections in life? Spiritually? Relationships with peers? Family? Co-workers?
  8. Am I living according to the values that are important to me? What do I feel passionately about?

I would encourage you to journal long and hard on these topics.  Research the ones that stand out to you.  Ask (trusted) people in your life what they think about your functioning in each area.

Once you have explored what went well last year and what areas you would like to grow in 2018, start looking for commonalities in your answers.  Do you see a common theme? If so…that might be something you can boil down into a word/phrase! If not, that’s ok! Triage your answers into your top one or two areas for growth and work to find a commonality between those two.  Don’t be afraid to use http://www.thesaurus.com/ to find a word that really speaks to you.

That’s it! That’s the hard part…once you have your word or phrase for 2018, shout it out, what is yours?!  I would encourage you to make it public so that your are more likely to achieve results.

 

My word for 2018 is BUILD.

Inspiration

Real Life Moments

As I walk through my house turning off the lights…heading toward bed, there are things that catch my eye…things that fill my heart with joy, love, peace…

I cannot imagine my home without these things, although some are new; some are fleeting…yet all make a home.

I want to share with you the images that when I rest my eyes upon, fill me with such positive emotions, such positive thoughts!

First we have the artwork on the fridge. No…I am not the mom that keeps all art; rather I prefer to truly savor each peace. If I find myself walking past without notice, it is time for a fresh picture!

I could stare at this for eternity. A tree covered in the love of hand painted and hand crafted ornaments, stockings hung in anticipation: a reminder of the magic of Christmas, and my “happy painting” that is a staple of our main room. No matter how messy life can become…a reminder to live it fully!

This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy has been in my life for as long as I can recall. I remember emptying his contents as I prepared to head off to college, emptying it’s contents in a panic when trying to “adult” (unsuccessfully at times!) and now I look at this piggy with prolongued grief as I am aware of the cracks that will oneday (soon) expand and shatter my trusty sidekick…likely the result of me using it as a step stool and a chair one too many times in childhood!

Guidance. As is necessary in all endeavors. Knowing that the answers are there, waiting, anytime I care to ask the questions.

A reminder that our mindset matters…and that just as we can strengthen our muscles…we can strengthen our minds to seek the good in life.
Post a photo or two below. Share with us…where are your peaceful places?

DBT, Inspiration, mental health

Validation to Improve Relationships

Validation is the ability to communicate to another person that they, their perceptions, their feelings and/or their opinions are valid.  Our world tends to be quite Invalidating, in that we are berated with the message that we aren’t enough and we don’t make sense.  It reminds me of the teacher that we all had, that would correct your response even if you read from the text the exact answer.  Validation is a skill that will instantly improve relationships, especially if you learn to validate and then STOP.  The STOP is about not jumping into problem solving.  Think about how it feels when people hurl solutions to you (have you tried____________??) without taking time to understand the problem or communicate to you that the problem is anywhere near valid.

Validation requires you to find the truth in another person’s point of view.  This means that no matter how ___________ (dumb, pointless, absurd, irrational) you deem their experience to be, if you want to expedite their calming down, it is necessary for you to validate something. Validating is not the same as agreeing with them if you truly do not.  You could say something like “I can see that you are really passionate about this” or “It sounds like you had a difficult day and it has you feeling really depressed”.  If you agree with them, you can be more validating by saying “I think it makes sense that you feel that way” or “given your background, I understand why his statement bothered you”.  Letting someone know that you hear them will aide in their ability to calm down and thus problem solve.

Some tips for validating

  1. Make eye contact, stop what you are doing and put your phone down. Communicate to the other person that they are important enough that you can give undivided attention
  2. Pay attention to their body language and whether it is congruent (think slumped teenager saying “I’m fine” and attend to the one you believe is more authentic
  3. Be open to correction. If I think you have your head down because you are disinterested in what I am saying, I need to remain open to you correcting me and telling me you have a headache
  4. Communicate to them with your words, that you think the make sense either because of their history or because ANYONE would feel that way given their circumstances
  5. In unique situations, share the feeling with them (not one-upping them, not taking the focus off of them) ie: when they get REALLY good or REALLY bad news

 

I have a feeling that if you reflect on who you like to spend time with, they are a fairly validating people! If you can channel that person, it may be easier to validate by thinking “what would _________ say?” Take time to practice!

Inspiration, mental health

When The Head and The Heart Don’t Align

DBT individual session.jpg

I saw this photo recently and it moved me.  It was from Burning Man a few years ago (2015 I believe) and shows that even when two adults are at odds, pushing each other away, their inner children (the innocent, naïve inner self) can still be yearning for the comfort of the other.

What do you think? Do you take a different message?

Inspiration, mental health

Why We Love Upcycling

Who doesn’t love a good craft fair…especially the booths of upcycled items, repurposed into useful everyday items! Upcycling is when an item that was bound for the landfill is given a new life as a new item, often completely separate from it’s original purpose.

Upcycled chairs become kitchy planters for your indoor or outdoor garden. Upcycled pallets become…EVERYTHING!

Why does this matter?  I really do believe that we love upcycled items for many reasons (you know…not killing the environment and all) but the idea I like to ponder is the idea that all things can serve a purpose.  Things that were once discarded as useless by one person have immense purpose to another.  One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. This idea gives hope for us as well! Who among us hasn’t felt worthless or cast aside at some point?  Who among us hasn’t wondered what our purpose in life is now that __________ chapter of our life has ended?

Just as these everyday items can be upcycled, so to can we upcycle ourselves!

If someone has told you that you are useless, you may need to find a new perspective! Just as this stool has been turned upside down to find it’s purpose, you too can look at things in a new light to find yours.

upcycled stool

Perhaps you have been told that you will only ever fit into one category.  Take a page from this dino’s book and think outside the box.  A tulip in a rose garden may not seem like it fits; however it can fit just nicely in a rose garden! I love the unexpected. Therapist’s with tattoos, teachers with blue hair, macho men who aren’t afraid to show affection…there is plenty of space in the world for you! Find the right garden!

Upcycled dino

 

Perhaps you have been told that you are not the right shape.  Perhaps you have received the message (directly or indirectly) that you cannot be worthy at your current stature. Forget that! Channel your inner wrench and appreciate your quirks.  By just bending into a 90 degree angle, these wrenches found a second life offering support to items that need hung up! You can be supportive to those around you, you are needed, you are important!

upcycled wrenches

 

 

 

DBT, Inspiration, mental health

Mindfulness of Color

color

My previous post got me thinking about color.  Color is all around us in nature, life, the foods we eat, the habitats we live and work in; and yet color is something we often overlook.  If I asked you to stop and tell me what color your neighbors house is, what color your boss’s car is, what color the tiles are at work or school…would you be able to?  Mindfulness is all about WAKING UP from auto-pilot.  Mindfulness of color can be a quick way to wake up and increase the amount of time you spend observing the present.

Try it…

Take the next few moment to spot something red…something orange…yellow…green…something blue…and purple.  You can expand from their if you would like: black, brown, white, pink…

Allow the search for color, really noticing the colors in your world, to anchor you to the present moment.  Stop worrying about what might happen or fretting about what did.  Come back to the now and take a moment to find the beauty and variety of color where ever you are.

Inspiration

Apps for Support (Part 1 – Anxiety)

Anxiety encompasses several diagnoses: panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety, and social anxiety to name a few.  I may be a bit behind the times on this topic; however I am grateful to have recently discovered that there are many Apple and Android Apps aimed at helping those suffering from mental health difficulties.  I took it upon myself to download and explore many of them and thought that I would share my top picks with you all! All of these apps are free on Android.  Let’s first take a look at apps that target anxiety:

Virtual Hopebox – The “remind me” section allows you to upload personal photos, voice memos, songs and/or videos as a reminder of more pleasant things.  The “distract me” section lets you play word and number games or puzzles from the pictures you uploaded.  The “inspire me” section provides an array of uplifting quotes.  My favorite section is the “relax me” section which offers guided meditations, muscle relaxation and breathing audio.  Lastly the “coping skills” section reminds you to schedule pleasant activities into your week, add accountability partners and set reminders (it will sync to your calendar).

Relax Melodies- 16 relaxing sounds that can even be combined to find your signature sound.

Breathe 2 Relax – This is a fantastic app for paced breathing.  It allows you to set the length of inhales and exhales and offers great verbal assistance to breathe through your anxiety.

Stop Panic & Anxiety – This is a comprehensive anxiety treatment app.  It offers educational articles, coping skill lists, audio (relaxation, mindfulness and emotional training help) and diary tracking.

Self Help Anxiety Management (SAM)– Very user friendly and comprehensive anxiety treatment app.  Offers immediate audio assistance to work though panic, an anxiety diary, encouragement, psychoeducation, and a social network piece.

Mindfulness – Straight forward application, offers guided mindfulness exercises, timers and education related to the reasoning behind and benefits of mindfulness practice.

 

What apps do you use to decrease anxiety? I’d love to hear about them!!

Inspiration, Uncategorized

I Do Have Time

I was recently contemplating my life and the disparity between what I’d like to do and what I tend to do (see previous post for deeper understanding of this disparity). The main excuse I provide, usually as a rationalization, is that I don’t have time. I’d like to call bull on that one…on myself!
The most frequent example that comes to mind is going to the gym. So often I wake up early, get off work early, or generally have a few hours on the weekend in which I think “I should go to the gym”. I know that going to the gym improves my mood, increases my confidence and sense of mastery; however I typically talk myself OUT of going! The act of talking myself out of going leaves me feeling lazy, defeated and hypocritical. I don’t know about you, but I’d chose accomplished and proud over sluggish any day (and yet I don’t).
The thing is, I always have time. Even if it’s 15 minutes, I could do some free weights and not need a shower. If it’s an hour, I could get in a really “good” workout. The trick is acting from a goal oriented state of mind rather than from current emotion. Action and emotion can exist independently from one another.
Other things I would like to do are: read more, go to parks, call friends and relatives, and paint. I know from experience that it’s not as easy as “just do it”; and yet it is! (simple, not easy ) Once I start doing any of these things, the ball is rolling and I’m more likely to follow through with the task. For example, if the phone is already ringing, I’m not going to hang up on my dear Aunt! If I’m already in the car with my dog, I’m not likely to turn around and go back home, and if I turn off the TV/radio and open a book I am more likely to actually read a chapter.
The message I’m trying to convey is that you (and I) need to peel apart our emotions from our actions. Schedule what you want to do in a week, and find ways to reward yourself for a job well done!