Why Body Image Matters

September 2, 2022 Alexandria Fields

This body image is so much more than how you feel about the number on your scale or the size of your clothes. Body image is the mental picture a person has of their own body – as well as their thoughts, feelings, judgments, sensations, awareness, and behaviors surrounding their feelings about their body. Body image influences a person’s behavior, self-esteem, and psychological well-being. A healthy body image is when a person has a true and clear perception of their body’s shape/size and when they are able to celebrate and appreciate their body as it is. Healthy body image results in a person understanding that their physical appearance says nothing about their character or value as a person and a person with a healthy body image feels comfortable and confident in their own body, as it is. If a person has an unhealthy body image their perception of their body is distorted. They are convinced that only other people are attractive and that their body shape and size is a sign of personal failure . Unhealthy body image impedes a person’s happiness and while being by damaging their self esteem, Interfering in their ability to engage in meaningful life and develop a sense of belonging and acceptance.

Why does it matter? Self-esteem is critical for a person’s psychological well being. Self-esteem is the immune system of your mental health and results in resistance against mental illness, while providing strength and persistence with problem solving. Healthy self-esteem allows you to be willing to take risks because you know you can handle it! It allows you to learn new skills, be creative, accept feedback of all type, to be productive in what you do, to be assertive, and to fair to both others and yourself. Self-esteem is a consequence. Let me say that again: self-esteem is a consequence. It is a product of continual practice of practice of living mindfully, purposefully, and with integrity. A person who practices self-love, gratitude, self-validation, meditation, and mindfulness on a regular basis can sharpen their skills and grow a healthier self-esteem.

Body image develops over time as a result of the messages we receive:

From society
From our families
From our friends and peer group
From the images we take in through the media
From prejudices and discrimination you may have experienced based on race, ethnicity, religion, ability, sexual orientation, and/or gender identity
From the frequency that we compare ourselves with others
From our exposure to images of idealized versus normal bodies
From experiences of abuse

The current beauty ideal in the American culture for a woman is to be young, tall (with long legs), to have an hourglass figure (with a very small waist and large breasts), smooth skin (with no cellulite, scars, body hair, or stretch marks). For people of color it is idealized to be light-skinned and if you are white, you should be a golden tan. The beauty ideal is very Eurocentric and goes so far as to pressure those of Asian descent to get eyelid surgery and for those of the BIPOC community to bleach their skin and chemically straighten their hair. THIS IS SO UNREALISTIC! The consequences of unrealistic beauty standards are dire. If a person develops an unhealthy body image (and how could they not) they will likely have lower self-esteem and self-worth, trouble in relationships, disordered eating, depression, anxiety, suicidal thinking.

So what can we do about it? For one we can expose ourselves to diversity. We need to expose ourselves to bodies of all types, skin of all shades, hair of all textures, features of all shapes. We need to see the reality of diversity, not the cookie-cutter celebrity influencers on our social media feeds.

When is the last time you went to a grocery store in a different part of town?

When is the last time you took your family to but your family to a social event or festival celebrating a culture different than your own?

When is the last time you purchased an item featuring featuring persons who did not look like yourself it yourself?

From the books on your bookshelf to the art on the walls of your home and office, what body types are you seeing? What shows do you watch? Who do you follow on social media?

You have a choice! You can can set a better example for yourself and the other people in your life (especially the children)!

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Big Goals, Big Anxieties, Big Rewards

April 19, 2022April 19, 2022 Alexandria Fields

Our family is undergoing a bit of a metamorphosis lately and I am so overwhelmed! We set some BIG BIG goals for April and did not intend for them to all start picking up steam at once; and yet, here we are…chugging full speed down the track with way to many passengers!

I don’t mind working on many goals at once because when they are accomplished, the reward is so, so sweet. I got a taste of that last Thursday when all of the balls were smoothly rolling in the right directions (I’m using all of the metaphors today!) and it felt like an amazing sense of relief. We then had a (well-timed) camping trip over the weekend which allowed us to destress and relax as a family. Our kids were so excited to sleep in a tent and roast marshmallows!

My daughter and I wrote a book together and it finally got published the week before, we were ready to celebrate with smores and beautiful views! My oldest had just transfered to a new school and my youngest had just started a new speech therapist. My oldest two had just started agirl Scouts and wrapped up their winter sports. It felt like we had had a ton of appointments and tasks at each step. And yet we persisted…

The other big projects varied in size but the other massive one is that we are remodeling our master bathroom and that is QUITE and undertaking! We felt like we hit a turning point right before the camping weekend, in that the demo was done and we had all of the supplies gathered to start putting it back together upon return!

I guess you could say in our family we “go big or go home” and typically we “go big at home”. We set big goals and we reap big rewards! I am so ready for it to be done though…to enter a season of coasting…

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How to Change Your Attitude

October 12, 2021October 7, 2021 Alexandria Fields

I am as guilty as anyone of falling into pessimistic thinking. I can throw a killer pity party…although no one ever wants to come. Sometimes I can even be downright judgmental. I think it is our cultures default to be negative…which is why we MUST exercise the muscle that allows us to find contentment.

Please hear me, the goal is not to turn you into Susie Sunshine…rather, my goal is to be a Neutral Nelly. It is a reality that no one wants to be near Negative Nancy…and that all humans are wired for connection. It isn’t a difficult equation to see that pessimism won’t yield a great deal of relationships (especially not any enjoyable ones). Learning to see the “ok”, “not awful”, “possibly decent” parts of life can be a difficult journey. It only takes one check-out lane to prove that point. Our media tends to be overly negative and overly panic-inducing. FEAR sells!

Initially, trying to be less negative for me was like trying to strengthen a muscle that I didn’t think I had. I would get so frustrated and I found myself thinking that other people were naturally born more optimistic and that it wasn’t a choice. WRONG! While biology (nature) and your environment (nurture) certainly play a role, we are all humans with free will! This means we can train ourselves to think differently! With (a lot of) practice and persistence, you will find your inner Positive Polly and begin to see the world in a less hateful way!

Here are my life hacks on how:

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Every.Damn.Day. Every single day you need to jot down and really savor a few things that you are grateful for. These can be really big things or really simple things. They can be things you noticed in the world or things you accomplished. Sometimes (on hard days) I ask myself “what doesn’t suck right now?”. There are several apps that exist for this. I prefer an old school journal or the Bliss app.

2. Follow more positive on social media. Almost everything has a hashtag, consider following #mindfulness, #positivepsychology, or hashtags related to uplifting interests such as #abstractart or #nature to increase your enjoyable scrolling. You can also look up and follow businesses such as mine that put out encouragement and uplifting content.

3. Limit your time around Negative Nancy. She isn’t good for you.

4. Take walks. It matters, trust me. Het away from your desk, get our of your head, avoid the couch slump. Go play Wizards Unite or Pokemon Go if that helps! Download an app that helps you raise money for charities based on your steps, challenge yourself or a friend with a steps challenge…find ways to incentivise yourself!

5. Get enough sleep (8-9 hours in a row)! You need a solid foundation.

When you find yourself sinking into a negative headspace, try to become aware of it without beating yourself up. Over time you will learn which hacks work for you, and you can say to yourself “You’re getting negative. Go for a walk, it always helps…”!

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Getting to Know Me

October 9, 2021October 7, 2021 Alexandria Fields

I thought it would be fun to play a game with this bucket list. I’ll share what I’ve done and you can comment what you’ve done or want to do!

The Typical Bucket List

1. Skydive – Nope. NOPE. Never gonna happen.
2. Road Trip – Yep. I’ve taken a van trip across America (Ohio to San Diego, up the coast to San Francisco and back) with 12 artists. It included a few nights on a Navajo Indian reservation, painting a mural on the side of a bridge, staying in a hostel, etc. I also flew to Phoenix and road tripped back to Cincinnati with a friend. I’ve also road tripped all over the Midwest and southern United States.
3. Raised farm animals – do chickens and ducks count?
4. Watch Sunrise – yes. Many times. Camping, on a cruise, at home.
5. Roller coaster – little known fact: I LOVE them! I didn’t ride a single ride until age 15 because I was so scared, but when my friends drug me on one, I was hooked. I laugh hysterically while on them!
6. Snorkeling – yes. It’s amazing. I’ve done it twice in the Bahamas. Unfortunately due to my asthma, I won’t be able to snorkel again.
7. Scuba Diving – never tried.
8. Play an Instrument – No, and I regret it. I learned the fancy recorder in grade school and at the time was able to translate the skill into flute, clarinet, etc but I never actually tried.
9. Learn Another Language – yes. I was fairly fluent in both Spanish and American Sign Language; however, its a skill that you loose if you don’t use.
10. Fall in Love – yes
11. Donate to Charity – yes. Many ways and I believe it’s a very important task for ones mental health.
12. Disneyland – yes. I went to Disneyland AND Disney World when I was 24. A friend worked there and got me in free. It was fun but not something I’d be eager to do again or with kids. It’s over-stimulating, expensive, and so…much…walking…..
13. Get Married – yes.
14. Buy a House – yes.
15. Go to a Concert – yes. I have been to quite a few. The top ones in my book: Less Than Jake, Miranda Lambert, Kip Moore, Incubus, Nickleback, and most recently: Kane Brown.
16. Slept on the Beach – no…but that’s going to change next month!
17. See the Northern Lights – not yet!
18. Met Your Idol – I’ve met and trained under Marsha Linehan a number of times. She isn’t my idol but I do have a lot of respect and gratitude for her work in the mental health field.
19. Climb a Mountain – not a real summit hike but I’ve been to Clingman’s Dome which is the highest point in the Great Smokey Mountain’s National Park.
20. Ski in Aspen – Nope. Not a huge fan of the cold.
21. Hopped a fence – yes
22. Storm Chasing – no. I’m a scardy cat…however, I was in my house when a tornado jumped through my yard!
23. Protest – nope
24. Go on Safari – nope
25. Visit the Giza Pyramids – nope
26. Visit the Taj Mahal – nope
27. Visit the Grand Canyon – nope
28. Ride a Horse – yes, during a girl scout outing in elementary school…I am afraid of them as a result. It bucked up on two legs and freaked me out!
29. See the Ballet – yes. It’s enjoyable but not my favorite. I prefer Broadway.
30. Go to the Opera – yes, same as ballet
31. See a Show on Broadway – yes. So many! I get season tickets with my mom. I’ve also seen Wicked and The Lion King in NYC!
32. Visit the Eiffel Tower – no
33. Visit All the Countries in the World – no!
34. Visit the Great Wall of China – no
35. Walk the Kakoda Track – no
36. Have Children of Your Own – 3 adopted girls!
37. Set a Guinness World Record – not to my knowledge…who knows!
38. Learn to Surf – no
39. Hot Air Balloon Ride -no
40. Gamble in Las Vegas – nope, not a fan of gambling
41. Swim With Dolphins – yes. a very cool experience.
42. Helicopter Ride – no
43. Shower in a Waterfall – no
44. Ride an Elephant – no
45. Visit the Seven Wonders of the World – no
46. Whale Watching – no
47. New Year’s Eve in Times Square – no, but I have been to Time’s Square. All of those people in the cold doesn’t’ sound fun to me.
48. Donate Blood – yes numerous times, and I pass out every time, so I’m not able to do that any longer.
49. See the Mona Lisa – no
50. Bungee Jumping – NO NO NO NO
51. Ride a Camel in the Desert – no
52. Fly First Class -yes! I got an upgrade once and it was great!
53. Go to Mardi Gras – no, but I’ve been to Bourbon Street in New Orleans. Again, the thought of all those people at once sounds terrible.
54. Zip Line – nope
55. Paint Ball – nope
56. Get a Tattoo – yes
57. Ride in a Limousine – yes
58. Paraglide – no
59. Go to Oktoberfest – no
60. Swim With Sharks – no
61. Run a Marathon – not a formal one. I’ve done a few 5k races though.
62. Go on a Cruise – yes…3. Once solo. I’m not a cruise person, I get bored.
63. Get a University Degree – yes (2)
64. Publish a Book – ALMOST! I am in the process of finishing the book and then trying to get a publishing deal!
65. Grape Stomping – no
66. Backpack Europe – no
67. Hold a Tarantula – no
68. Hold a Baby Sloth, in the Amazon Rain Forest – lol, no
69. Hold a Koala – no
70. Float in the Dead Sea – no…but I have done a float loft. A cool experience!
71. Go Zorbing – not even sure what that is?
72. Cliff Dive – yes
73. Fly a Plane – yes! A small 4 passenger.
74. Walk the Sydney Harbour Bridge – no
75. Attend Coachella – no
76. Be a Part of a Flash Mob – no
77. Visit Niagara Falls – when I was 2…I don’t remember it at all of course
78. Drive Route 66 – no
79. Gondola Ride – no
80. Volunteer – yes! a lot… It’s amazing for a person’s self worth!
81. Trek the Inca Trail – no
82. Water ski – no, I’m fearful of water…
83. Jump off a Bridge – no, but I have been cliff jumping
84. Cooking Class – no
85. Sleep in a Castle – no
86. Ancient Ruins – no
87. Ride an Ostrich – no, do people do this?
88. Parasail – yes, a great experience!
89. Host an Exchange Student – no
90. Build a Treehouse – no
91. Learn to Ballroom Dance -no
92. Sit on a Jury -not yet
93. Sleep Under the Stars – yes! a few times at my families cabin
94. Ride a Bull – no

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Book Review: Last Lecture

October 7, 2021 Alexandria Fields

This book was recommended to me by a client and I am so glad it was! Last Lecture is a phenomenal memoir. It follows the last few months of life for Randy Pausch. He was an esteemed professor at Carnegie Mellon University. When Randy was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he embarked on the journey to write his “Last Lecture” (to an audience of peers and students…although his intended audience is really his three young children).

Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture was focused on helping others achieve their childhood dreams. I was most amazed at the life lessons tied into this lecture. I found myself highlighting, underlining and taking notes throughout. Since reading it, it is a book that I gift to people I love for big life events!

I strongly recommend you read the book AND watch the last lecture here!

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STOP APPOLOGIZING

August 29, 2021 Alexandria Fields

Stop apologizing!

Stop it!

No really …stop being overly apologetic! We live in a culture that expects constant apologies, which leads to a nation of people who struggle with establishing boundaries. I wonder, if you take a moment to reflect, how many relationships you can come up with that feel unbalanced: work, in-laws, friends, neighbors, siblings, parents, etc.

Consider the examples:

At home:

“I’m sorry to be annoying, I was just wondering if you could take out the trash”

“Sorry I’m late! Traffic was a mess!”

“Hey, I’m sorry to bug you…but when you finish your homework can you come help me watch your sister so I can run to the grocery?”

At work:

“I’m sorry, I know you’re busy but I was wondering if you had time to meet with me today?”

“I feel terrible for asking but is there any way you could call that client for me?”

“Sorry I wasn’t here for that meeting, my kids were sick and I had to stay home from school with them.”

In public:

(You accidentally bump into someone and they aren’t mad) “I’m so sorry! I lost my balance.”

“I’m sorry to be a bother but do you have the time?”

“Sorry! I didn’t know you were sitting there; I would have never invaded your space like that.”

Can you see what all of these statements have in common? Yes they all start with an apology. But also notice how common they are…AND they are also all scenarios that do not require an apology! Think of the purpose of an apology: to convey to another person the guilt that you feel as a result of an action you chose to make. I hesitate to think that anyone should be made to feel guilty in any of the above scenarios. Guilt is only justified if your own behavior violates your own morals or values. Examples being if you have harmed another person or you damage another person’s property. Missing work as a result of caring for your child, having to ask a stranger for the time, asking a person to do something that falls within their job description, and requesting the help of a family member are all appropriate actions that should not make you feel guilt.

I offer you a suggestion, say “thank you” whenever you want to say “I’m sorry”. I realize this sounds strange; however consider the same scenarios in reverse:

At home:

“Can you take out the trash?” (after they do) “Thank you”

“Traffic was really stressful, thanks so much for being patient”

“When you finish your homework I would appreciate if you could come help me by watching your sister so I can run to the grocery”

At work:

“I was wondering if you had time to meet with me today?” (if/when they do, say you appreciate them taking time out of their day for you)

“At some point today, I need _____ called. Thanks, you’re awesome!”

“It means a lot to me that I was able to stay home since my kids were sick, thank you.”

In public:

(You accidentally bump into someone and they aren’t mad) Laugh it off and strike up a conversation.

“Do you have the time?” (When they tell you the time, thank them)

“I didn’t know you were sitting there. Let me slide down and make room”…then introduce yourself and exchange pleasantries.

Even imagining the second set of situations, I feel a calmness and lightness in the air. I feel we have become so apologetic and so fearful in our culture, that we lose out on opportunities to chat with strangers/neighbors/coworkers. In the workplace, people villainize upper management and don’t share their personal lives at all which makes the job feel cold and impersonal. And in the home, resentments build because there is a lack of teamwork. If we can begin to share ourselves emotionally, connect with those around us and work together, I believe we could experience a much greater enjoyment in life.

THANK YOU for taking time to read this! Try putting it into practice this week and keep an eye out for how frequently you end up apologizing to others.

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Mindfulness and the apocalypse

August 24, 2021 Alexandria Fields

graffiti old submarine u boat — Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

Mindfulness is about being fully present, in what is happening, TODAY. Mindfulness is choosing to pay attention in life, to fire your auto-pilot and really wake up to your experiences and interactions with the world, without judgment. We, as a culture, tend to be very roped into seeking the “next best thing”. Think about it…we want the next smartphone before we even figure out how to work the one we have, there are dating apps that make small talk and polite conversation irrelevant and take you straight to the bedroom, there is a drive-thru or mobile ordering app for darn near everything you could want! We live on fast forward. It doesn’t work and it is causing a decline in life satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, all the while creating an increase in depression, divorce and suicide rates.

The anthesis of mindfulness is living in anxiety. I am wondering why we are we so obsessed with the post-apocalyptic worlds that we think would be generated after the fall of our modern civilization? They all have something in common: NO technology and a “takes a village” mentality. Ironically two of the tenants of our current society that we say we like (our tech toys and our individualism).

The Walking Dead, The Hunger Games, Divergent, 2012, Lost, Jericho, The Book of Eli, World World Z…the list is really quite expansive. And yet, we continue to live IN our phones and in isolation from one another. I do wonder if one purpose of these shows, aside from entertainment, is to warn us/show us what COULD happen if we do not change our ways…and yet…

Take a moment to read this age-old fable:

The Fox and the Goat (Aesop’s Fables)

A Fox one day fell into a deep well and could find no means of escape. A Goat, overcome with thirst, came to the same well, and seeing the Fox, inquired if the water was good. Concealing his sad plight under a merry guise, the Fox indulged in a lavish praise of the water, saying it was excellent beyond measure, and encouraging him to descend. The Goat, mindful only of his thirst, thoughtlessly jumped down, but just as he drank, the Fox informed him of the difficulty they were both in and suggested a scheme for their common escape. “If,” said he, “you will place your forefeet upon the wall and bend your head, I will run up your back and escape, and will help you out afterwards.” The Goat readily assented and the Fox leaped upon his back. Steadying himself with the Goat’s horns, he safely reached the mouth of the well and made off as fast as he could. When the Goat upbraided him for breaking his promise, he turned around and cried out, “You foolish old fellow! If you had as many brains in your head as you have hairs in your beard, you would never have gone down before you had inspected the way up, nor have exposed yourself to dangers from which you had no means of escape.”

Look before you leap.

Perhaps mindfulness could remind us to look before we leap. Look at the data trends before you buy your 4 year old an IPAD, do some research the health risks/benefits of a product before jumping on the bandwagon just because it’s “trending”, look at these movies as more than just random entertainment…see them as a warning as what could happen if we don’t change! Dare to be different. Dare NOT to download every popular app. Dare NOT to give into every urge you have for instant gratification. Dare NOT to pay hundreds of dollars for the “cool” shoes/boots. Dare NOT to pay $5 for the logo on your coffee mug when you could put that money away for a rainy day. Dare to have an opinion that is DIFFERENT than the masses…afterall, isn’t that what Catniss did? And she became a hero…

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Using Social Media for Good, not Evil

August 10, 2021 Alexandria Fields

Social media may seem unavoidable in the 21st century. I want to show you how you can use it for mental HEALTH instead of mental anguish. There is an analogy that everyone has a good and a bad dog within them (although I dislike the judgments there). This is similar to the angel/devil on your shoulder analogy…however take a moment to consider which dog you feed more often? If they are your pets, which one do you spend more time nurturing?

Social media can be used for both good or evil. You can subscribe to blogs that fixate on negativity, make you feel worse, and fuel your pity party or you can subscribe to those that are POSITIVE!

As a challenge, on all sites you are on, I want you to intentionally follow pages, hashtags, and topics that uplift you:

mental health
wellness
kindness
hobbies
nature
encouragement

On all networking sites, the users and topics that you search, subscribe to, and follow are up to you. Try following inspiration, funny pictures, cute animals, users that make a point of being encouraging, and/or appropriate family members. There is even a sub-network called “Fitspo” which is a type of posts that are fitness inspiration, these would be an example of something great to follow. Most sites even give you the option of “blocking” other users or “hiding” them so you don’t have to worry about hurting their feelings. A big NO-NO here is following triggering topics, users that bring you down, encourage behavior you are trying to stop doing, or highly judgmental users, and topics that normalize behavior you don’t want to continue. If a user or topic makes your conscious put up a red flag or if it’s something you feel ashamed to follow…REMOVE It!!

*these statements are made after my own investigation and use of each site. This may or may not be the policy of each website and/or app.

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Minute Wisdom. Think Small.

July 22, 2021 Alexandria Fields

Set SMALL Goals.

If it were easy to make radical lifestyle changes…we would all do it! Set SMALL goals (and larger goals) and then start taking steps toward the small steps. Sometimes the success of those small steps becomes self-reinforcing, and you will find yourself taking larger steps than planned.

(Example: I wanted to read for one hour this week; I found time to read three times for forty minutes each time!)

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GIVE IT AWAY

July 15, 2021 Alexandria Fields

Read to the bottom if you want some #freestuff

Did you know that today, July 15th, is officially #givesomethingawayday? I must tell you that I am here for it! Most people that know me personally know that I am not the most sentimental person when it comes to keepsakes and storing away items that once meant something to me. I accept this about myself and I do not see it as a fault; rather, I see it as a nod to sustainability, minimalism and whatever the opposite of greed is. I believe that less is more and that if something doesn’t serve a purpose in my life, then it is better off being loved and used by someone else.

I don’t take it as far as some (ahem Marie Kondo…); after all, I do have two totes of keepsakes from my childhood (my old girl scout sash, my first rosary, a high school uniform, my first “cool” watch featuring Tweety Bird, my piggie bank, etc) stored in my basement! I kept all of my Barbie’s and their accessories from childhood and my girls currently play with them! I think there is value in being able to pass down and reflect back on these items; however, as the present moment is where I choose to live, I want to minimize the likelihood of falling into the past accidentally.

In honor of #givesomethingawayday I am asking you to do a few things for me and then I will gladly give you a SIGNED copy of my book, shipping is on me as well!

Share one of my blog posts to a social media account of yours. Any post is fine, whichever you prefer. Bonus points if you tag someone else who might want to read it.
Go follow me on another social media platform (links below) and interact with one post. Bonus points if you tag someone who might enjoy the content!
Actually read my book if you are chosen and then tell someone about it!

If you want to be entered into the drawing for a free, signed copy of my book Adulting Well, please comment a self care action you enjoy below on this post and then follow me on any of these pages in addition to following my blog here on WordPress!

https://www.facebook.com/yourmentalrestoration

https://www.instagram.com/yourmentalrestoration/?hl=en

on TikTok @your.mental.restoration

https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexandriaberesford/